Mobility

The night before my D & E the real estate agent came over as we’d already planned some time prior. With the pregnancy out of the equation it was easier for us to agree with her that it made the most sense to put the house on the market ASAP given the particulars of our situation and the local market. And in the days since we’ve also finally decided on where we are moving. To the beach house. On April 23rd. For six or so months. And then Sweden.

I’m going to go ahead and agree with you that this is all very sudden and making such decisions while also dealing with the miscarriage is less than ideal. On the bright side it’s something else to think about.

We won’t be living in this house while it’s on the market as the agent believed it will “show better empty.” I am pretty sure this is code for “you guys own weird stuff.” Plus we have all the pets and the master bedroom is the playroom and the market is so tight you have to make a real effort and, well, the beach house is rent-free, anyway. She also wants us to paint, like, every single room. Husband’s been a madman getting stuff done (and as I am very much still recovering, Little Girl has been watching about four movies a day, in between visits from my friends).

Until June, Husband will be mostly in Europe for work, actually, so Little Girl and I are sort of moving there alone. When his work calms down, he intends to request to telecommute from the beach house full-time (it’s more than four hours from our current city). If they say no, I have already arranged with my research job to telecommute full-time and we can get benefits that way. We’ll continue in that vein until our house sells and we have made the final arrangements for the international move.

Sometimes these plans sound exciting. The beach! Sweden! More often I am somewhere between morose and apprehensive about leaving my friends, about Little Girl’s having to leave her buddies and her beloved babysitter, about being away from Husband so much of the time, about having to quit my teaching job, about maybe having to support us all with a really boring job. I worry my psyche will conflate these coincidental occurrences of miscarriage and move and I’ll unconsciously think of myself as having run away from it–or if I’m unhappy with the move(s), blaming them on the loss. These plans were, of course, in the works all along, but it’s an unavoidable truth that we never would or could have chosen the beach option and moving up the Sweden move if we hadn’t lost the pregnancy and didn’t need as much stability. So here we go.