Written Tuesday:
What’s your minimum standard for an OB visit? Your child not screaming and crying for an excessive period of time? Not having a loud argument in the hall with your OB and an audience about due dates while this temper tantrum is occurring? Not utterly losing this argument even though the doctor admitted that there was no medical reason not to correct the due date, with her also admitting she wouldn’t change it so as “not to confuse people”?* No unnecessary bloodwork you already had a couple weeks before and which aren’t covered by insurance? Oh, and definitely not failing repeatedly to find the fetus’s heartbeat with a variety of apparata, right? Then by those standards today I had the Worst OB Visit Ever.
I have an ultrasound tomorrow to see what’s what. Little Girl is absolutely not coming. I’m not crazy-worried since, duh, I’m not as far along as they insist, so you can’t always find the heartbeat yet. But the experience certainly didn’t improve the visit any. Or this week.
+++
Written Wednesday:
No heartbeat. Evidently it died two or three weeks ago. I have to decide for a DIY miscarriage or a D & E. If you have any advice about that I’d like to hear it. I’ve never had a miscarriage before. I’m not sure what I am feeling. Other than “not happy.”
Um, guess it doesn’t matter about the due date anymore.
25 March 2009 at 11:28 am
Oh.
Oh, shit.
I’m so sorry my dear.
I can only tell you that when I was given the option, I selected D&C both times. I guess I just wanted it over and didn’t want to be alone if the miscarriage became unbearably painful. I hate that I even have to give this kind of advice. Hate. It.
25 March 2009 at 11:42 am
Oh NO. I’m so sorry, Eva.
25 March 2009 at 11:52 am
oh honey, my heart just breaks for you. Wish I could reach through the monitor and hug you tight. I am so sorry.
xoxo
25 March 2009 at 11:59 am
I’m so, so sorry. Thinking of you.
25 March 2009 at 12:14 pm
I am so sorry Eva. If you feel like it, give me a call me. Gah. I wish I knew something to say to make you feel better, but I don’t. So sorry friend.
25 March 2009 at 12:38 pm
Oh Eva, I am so very sorry. I have had this happen twice – both times I went for the DIY approach as the first I knew about the loss was bleeding and I could not face a hospital stay however short. It was miserable and painful though. I am not sure even with a D&E you avoid the pain and certainly not the misery.
25 March 2009 at 1:16 pm
Oh Eva, I am so so sorry to hear it. That just sucks, no two ways about it. I’ve never had a bad pregnancy get far enough for a D&E miscarriage so I don’t know how those work. Stock up on the Advil, I’d say. It is like really bad, bad cramps.
25 March 2009 at 1:30 pm
SHITBALLS. Eva, I’m so sorry.
25 March 2009 at 2:09 pm
I am so very very sorry. Sending you hugs and love and supportive thoughts.
25 March 2009 at 2:42 pm
Oh Eva, I’m so very sorry. Damn it. I’m also sending love and hugs and if you need some coffee and adult time to vent or whatever, feel free to e-mail me since I’m close to where you live.
25 March 2009 at 2:45 pm
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck!…. D&C is the quickest, DIY is shitty and painful and messy, definately stock up on strong painkillers if you do! FUCK, fuck, fuck again… email me if you need, yes, even at the moment, please.
HUGS
25 March 2009 at 4:01 pm
Oh Eva–I am so, so, so sorry.
25 March 2009 at 5:09 pm
Oh no. I am so terribly sorry.
25 March 2009 at 5:53 pm
Oh no, my heart dropped when I read this. I am so so sorry. I know there aren’t words I can say to help in this awful situation, but know that my thoughts are going out to you.
25 March 2009 at 7:14 pm
I’m sorry to hear about that Eva…
25 March 2009 at 10:06 pm
oh, babe. i am so sorry.
25 March 2009 at 10:32 pm
I’m so sorry Eva. I can’t even find the words …I’m just sorry.
26 March 2009 at 9:12 am
I emailed you.
Hugs.
26 March 2009 at 10:31 am
I’m so sorry. I wish there was something more useful I could say.
I had the DIY miscarriage and it was painful for a short while. If given the option, I would probably go with the medical intervention because they might be more free with the drugs. However, I would just want the drugs for their mind-numbing effects.
26 March 2009 at 10:32 am
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts. I chose a D&C for my first loss. I didn’t want to wait for the DIY approach.
26 March 2009 at 10:39 am
Here from L & F, I had two m/c and went D&C both times and was able to get pg the very next month after the first D&C with my now 7yr old daughter. I have friends and family who went DIY and it took months before it was over and then a D & C was needed b/c not everything came out(sorry tmi). If you are interested in trying again soon I would absolutely go with the D &C. It’s quick and pretty painless except for the emotional things….
So sorry you have to decide this at all.
26 March 2009 at 10:43 am
My heart aches for your loss…I have been there…(10.5 weeks, fetus stopped developing at 9)
It depends on how quickly you’d like to start TTC again. A natural miscarriage could drag out for weeks, and if there are any leftover POC then your HCG levels might not come down completely. I opted for a D&E to have the whole ordeal over with as quickly as possible.
26 March 2009 at 10:56 am
I’m so sorry.
Here from LFCA. I had a missed miscarriage last November at 11w1d. I chose to go for the medically induced miscarriage at home – misoprostol. It was the right decision for me; I didn’t want to wait, and I preferred not to lose my baby in surgery if I didn’t have to.
I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
26 March 2009 at 11:46 am
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you can let yourself feel and grieve in the way you need to, at your own pace. Be very kind to yourself. You are held in the thoughts of many readers.
26 March 2009 at 12:16 pm
Here from L&F – I am so sorry for your loss. I have experienced both natural and D&C. My last miscarraige was missed, we only found out at 10 weeks. I opted for the D&C as I wanted it to be over as soon as possible. For me, it was 100% the right choice. It is a much more clinical approach to the loss, but over quickly.
As hard as it is, you need to decide what it right for you. I know many women who needed the natural miscarraige to help them grieve, for myself I needed it to be done in order to begin.
26 March 2009 at 12:48 pm
here from LFCA
I had a miscarriage in February. I had the misoprostol approach at home. It was the right decision for me. Even though it was quite uncomfortable for 2+days for me, I really didn’t want the D&C, I have fertility issues as it is and didn’t want scar tissue that could cause more problems with fertility.
You need to make the best choice for you. So sorry you have to go through this!
26 March 2009 at 1:14 pm
Eva, I am so, so sorry for your loss. I’ve been there, and I wish you didn’t have to go through this.
26 March 2009 at 1:24 pm
Here from L&F. I have done both, however, all of tissue did not pass on the natural one and I had to have the D&C anyway. I would go that route if I had to chose again.
26 March 2009 at 2:05 pm
(here from LFCA) I’m so very sorry Eva.
I had missed miscarriage at about 10wks, blighted ovuum. Opted for D&C to get things over and move on to more fertility treatment. Also we wanted to test the fetal tissue for genetic abnormalities. Didn’t find any so that was not so comforting, but I was glad to be sure. Also emotionally I really needed to grieve and move forward rather than wait the weeks it might take for the natural miscarriage. Hoping you find some peace in the future.
26 March 2009 at 2:26 pm
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I lost my twin girls at 19 1/2 weeks, so I wasn’t given the “natural” option…I had a D&E. Physically it wasn’t painful…
Again, I am SO SORRY for what you’re going through.
(((HUGS)))
26 March 2009 at 3:15 pm
Oh hon, I am so very sorry. I wish none of us who’ve battled so hard to have children in the first place ever had to know this pain. Scratch that–I wish NO WOMAN ever had to go through this, infertility a factor or not.
When I lost my earlier pregnancy, I opted to have the D&C. I went that route because I just wanted the ‘nightmare’ to be over and I had little faith in my body to do anything right.
I wish you peace friend. May you find comfort in your husband and daughter, as well as friends and family. Thinking of you.
26 March 2009 at 4:34 pm
I lost our baby Aaron last year and the waiting for a natural miscarriage was horrible. Once the “labor” began it was very painful, and feeling your body need to push as if it were delivering a live baby was even worse.
In all honest I recommend the D&E.
Lastly, I am so very sorry for your loss. Mourn your little one in your time, and do not let anyone rush you through it.
26 March 2009 at 6:06 pm
I’m so sorry. I just had to “make” this decision, though I wasn’t as far along as you. I started miscarrying on my own (lots of cramps, bleeding, and clots), but my hCG still wasn’t dropping, so I had a D&E anyway. I wish I’d just chosed the D&E to begin with. But that’s me.
26 March 2009 at 6:47 pm
Here from LFCA, I’m so sorry for your loss.
26 March 2009 at 8:35 pm
Here from LFCA. I just wanted to say I am so sorry. I had a missed m/c last year at 14.5 weeks. I had a D & C and it was absolutely the right choice for me. They gave me wonderful mind-numbing vicodan. It helped with the aftermath and it was gratifying to know that the nightmare was over. My heart is with you.
27 March 2009 at 10:14 am
Here from LFCA…I am so damned sorry. With all three of my missed miscarriages, I opted for a D&C. I couldn’t handle the waiting or feeling pregnant one minute longer than I had to.
If you need to talk to someone who has been down that road, Feel free to call on me.
{{{Hugs}}} and prayers.
27 March 2009 at 2:07 pm
Oh dear, I just logged into Bloglines after a few days away and immediately saw this and posted. I am so terribly sorry.
4 April 2009 at 8:59 am
Oh hon. I am so very sorry. Please take care of yourself.