I can definitely say that this working full-time thing isn’t for us. I will continue doing a little bit of work in the evenings and weekends, but neither Baby nor I have enjoyed this week especially and I plan never to repeat it.
According to the report from the babysitter today, Baby was “pretty sad and she did cry a lot, but there were periods when she was quiet as long as I didn’t put her down.” Just what you want to hear, right? And a buddy of mine who dropped her kid off at the babysitter’s when Baby was there today reported that, when Baby heard her come in, she cried out, “Mama?” hoping I was there to get her, and when she saw I was not, went back dejectedly to picking at her lunch. When I did arrive, she immediately, tearily, once in my arms, started frantically saying and waving “bye bye” to the sitter, ready to get the hell out of there. Awesome. Then I got to take my clingy little angel home, and she smelled of another house, another woman’s arms.
We have one day left of this (for what it’s worth, I am really enjoying the work I am doing. So that’s something at least). Baby won’t be with my mom tomorrow after all as it seems my grandfather has pneumonia and my mom can’t leave him. His health is quite fragile, and my grandmother has Alzheimer’s, so my mother has quit her job to take care of them full-time. I think we will cut our beach trip short so we can go visit my grandparents and try to cheer my mom up a bit. She always feels as though my grandparents’ health setbacks are somehow her fault. Last weekend she and my stepfather went on a short trip away together, and my grandfather didn’t manage to make sure he and my grandmother took all their medications, and though that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with his current illness, my mother is nonetheless blaming herself for it, along with various other factors not under her control.
I, at least, don’t tend to have a similar problem with regards to Baby’s care. Sometimes she gets injured, a few times she’s been sick–not really my fault. These things happen. But these long days of sadness, of separation from her mommy, well, that’s all on me.
