Two weeks ago my husband gave away our African grey parrot, Alice. Almost exactly a year ago I wrote about how he wanted to give her up, and I spent the last year steadfastly insisting that we couldn’t give her away just because she had all the normal characteristics of a parrot–loudness, dirtiness, neediness. It’s ironic that I was the one who wanted to keep her, since I advised against his getting her in the first place. Husband brought Alice home at 10 weeks old six years ago, before we were married, when he, it seems, was lonely (I lived 1200 miles away for most of our dating relationship). They had wonderful times together, showering, sharing food, doing tricks, cuddling.
But things happened; Husband got a laptop and stopped spending a lot of time in Alice’s room, and then when I was pregnant we moved her downstairs to the kitchen so that she wouldn’t keep the baby awake upstairs, and though she was then in the heart of the house, Husband got so busy with school and work and the baby that he just didn’t very much of himself left over to attend to the bird. The baby and I are home, of course, but Alice always has preferred Husband. When, a few months ago, Husband made it clear to me that the burden of Alice’s constant need for him, and her increasingly unbearable ways of indicating her displeasure that he was not constantly available to him, were having a strongly deleterious effect on his mental health, I conceded. It was his bird, so his decision, and if his mental health cannot stand another 65 years of Alice, I suppose it is better to sacrifice (possibly) her happiness for his.
Though now I don’t think that’s what happened. Alice has been in her new home for two weeks now, living with an older single woman who is a park ranger and has had several parrots and other birds for decades. She is just the kind of bird-focused person that Alice wished Husband were (and which he was at one time), and judging from the very frequent and detailed messages we have received from her, Alice is enjoying herself immensely. It comforts me, also, to know that Alice is surrounded all day now with other like-minded birds, chattering away; African greys usually live in quite large flocks. This woman is even considering using Alice as a therapy bird, or for demonstrating proper parrot care since Alice is quite sociable and remarkably amenable to change. I think Alice will get the attention, care, and patience she deserves there. Though were weren’t neglecting her, we were not cherishing her.
The first few days Alice was gone, and Husband was simultaneously on the other coast for work, were so sad and quiet. Whenever I walked in the kitchen I had to stop myself from speaking to Alice as I usually did. The thought of Alice saying all the phrases we say to Baby, like “Do you want some more milk?” and there being no Baby around to say them to was heart-breaking. And I am still sometimes brought up short with a kind of grief upon finding a downy feather when sweeping, and keep feeling I am forgetting something in the evenings when I sit on the couch and Alice is not on her living room perch, preening. I wish Alice the best and miss her, though maybe, I’m thinking now, we did the right thing after all letting her go to this carefully-chosen new home where she will be a primary focus, doted on and treated at every turn.
