So back when I was pregnant and one of my best friends was planning her wedding, I was all gung-ho about driving six hours with another of our friends to go. And even after Baby came, even though I didn’t really want to go to the wedding anymore, what with the hassle of pumping on the road and leaving the baby and everything, I still told the bride and our friends that I was looking forward to it and planned to attend because I felt that’s what a good friend would do. Not only was I going to attend, but I’m planning this ridiculously complicated 25-dollar-a-head wedding shower that has been this huge hassle and is driving me insane, (and it’s this Saturday), so I’m definitely doing my part for supporting her wedding as it is, in my opinion.
Anyway, now the wedding is 1.5 weeks away, and I just DON’T WANT TO GO. Don’t get my wrong–I adore the bride. I’m happy to do the shower for her. I just don’t think I can do MORE–i.e., go to the wedding. I don’t want to leave my baby (and my mom all along has said it’s way too early to leave Baby, especially while I’m pumping, and I think she’s right). I would so much rather spend time with my husband, who will be taking time off from work around then, and with my mom, and maybe take a trip as a family to the beach like my mom is organizing, instead of going to this wedding where I’d basically be driving most of the trip anyway, and where it’s not like I can even drink at the wedding or party, since I’ll have to go back to the hotel room to pump, and where there are 150 other guests so it’s not like the bride will even miss me (though she WILL be sad I’m not there).
I agonized about this and I still feel sick about it but decided that it’s much more important to me to spend time with my family than to leave my baby to go somewhere I don’t want to be just to keep my friends from being mad at me (and they can be pretty catty–I am NOT looking forward to the group project we are doing for school this semester now that I’ve made this decision, and the shower this weekend will be hell). I told the friend I was driving down/getting the hotel with that I cannot (well, will not) go, and now she says she probably won’t go, either. I said I’d still pay my part of the hotel.
I’m trying to do this as gracefully as possible, but it’s hard since I’m going back on my word and disappointing people for no clear reason. I just don’t want to leave Baby for something that isn’t extremely important to me. But I feel like shit for letting my friends down.
1 March 2007 at 2:57 am
You could be talking about me here, i always say i’ll do something and then to closer it gets i dont want to. I have been forced it to doing stuff i really dont want and got there and hated every minute and been very miserable – to the point of crying!
I’ve just gone back to work and its like torture!
I dont think people understand until they have their own lo’s how you feel. i never understand how some people can leave the lo for such long time. I think because i cant. (not a judgement there on other people, sometimes wish i could be more like them!)
hope it sorts its self out for you!
1 March 2007 at 10:07 am
I think your friend will understand. It is not like you are blowing off the wedding to sit at home and be lazy. You have a baby and lots of responsibilities. Like you, I wouldn’t want to leave my baby. I miss Porgie when she takes a really long nap.
With that said, I still completely understand why you are nervous about telling her. I have a very hard time saying no to people. I just don’t like to see other people disapointed. So, I usually end up doing whatever stupid task they ask me to.
Good luck! It sounds like the shower might be a little awkward.
2 March 2007 at 12:10 pm
When you have more than yourself to think about you definately have to prioritize your time.
Even if she doesn’t understand now, she will once she starts her new life.
Don’t feel bad, just enjoy your baby.
2 March 2007 at 8:05 pm
That is a hard decision, for sure, but I think I would be doing the same thing you are. Things are Just Different when you have a young baby, and its not something you can know or understand beforehand. A friend of mine is getting married in May, on Emma’s first birthday, and I though I really regret that I cannot go, it is more important for me to be near my baby, and at home, not dealing with the stresses of travel. I hope your friend, and my friend, both understand. I think they will!
2 March 2007 at 10:36 pm
You guys are being so kind. Thank you! The bride is giving me a really hard time. The wedding shower Saturday is going to be hell. Oh well, though. I think I did the right thing. I just can’t be traipsing around the eastern seaboard with a special little baby at home. Or rather–I don’t WANT to traipse, and with good reason.