On doing this again

People who EP often talk about how having EP’d once makes them learn so much about breastfeeding, and so tired of pumping, that they will try/did try harder to get breastfeeding to work for subsequent babies.

I feel like no matter how much I could have known about breastfeeding in pregnancy (and I think I knew a lot, relatively speaking, about how it is supposed to work, at least) that nothing can prepare you for the kind of big problems that lead to EPing. At least not in my case. But everyone’s story is different. And there are things I did “wrong” (in the sense of not ideally, due to circumstances and ignorance).

About this thing about subsequent babies–I don’t think I can do it again until I make peace with the fact that the baby might not latch, that I might not have enough milk, and that with two kids I might not be able to EP if it comes to that, or to breastfeed and supplement, though that sounds easier. I’m not there yet but my baby’s only 4 months so there’s no rush.

I keep wondering about how this would go with another baby, though; I can’t help but do so. Partly I see working on this now as an investment in future milk production efforts. Since my main problem is low milk supply/low flow and there’s no telling it would improve with a second baby (though I believe it would for the extra milk duct reason that theoretically comes about in each pregnancy, not that my breasts did a darn thing in this first one, and the knowledge I have now of frequency necessary of milk removal, though I was just too tired/high to do it in the first week of this baby’s life, and also now that I know about Domperidone and will use Metformin throughout any future pregnancy and lactation). It’s true I wasn’t pumping enough in the beginning, so THAT’s a knowledge issue.

We’ll just wait and see. No rush. Scandinavians space babies out 5 years normally so that’s a possibility with us. Actually Sweden has the lowest birth rate in the world, so we’re on top of things with one baby!

I do NOT want to do this again–the low supply as much as the exclusively pumping, if not more so. No, definitely more freaked about low supply. But I do figure that however much milk I end up making for her I can probably make from the beginning with another baby. At least I hope! And OF COURSE I don’t want to do this again–not sure why I say that like it needs stating. It is really excessively difficult, and who wants that? (yes, there are EPers who do it on purpose, but they’re a minority). I feel it’s worth it, despite the unpleasantness and the constancy of it all.

And I may not even have the chance to have to EP again. I do have problems with infertility, after all. It’s a blessing to have the baby I have, to make the milk I do make, to be able to get it into the baby despite her dislike for nursing. So there’s that.